emails from my coworker, part 3

inthefade:

This was waiting for me this morning in my work email:

Dear friends (all 156 of us):

Did you know you have a pocket angel? God hand picked your angel for you and because I sent you this email, he put that angel in your pocket! If you love your angel (and me, lol) pass this on to your friends and your angel will reward you with good luck and blessings!

Before I was an Angel
I was a fairy in a flower;
God, Himself, hand-picked me,
And gave me angel power.

When He tucked me in your pocket
He blessed you with Angel care;
Then told me to never leave you,
And I vowed always to be there.

My reply to her:

Dear [redacted]

I regret to inform you that when I did my laundry last night, I did not check my pockets, as I had no way of knowing that you had God send me an angel. While I did have the setting on gentle, I’m afraid I also had it on hot. My pocket angel might very well be pocket angel soup now.

In the future, please let me know when you are going to do these things so I can take better care to not kill any supernatural beings.

Also, God is probably pretty pissed off at you being that this angel’s blood is on your hands. So you might have to send out a lot of email prayers in order to make up for it. Not sure how that works. I wanted to ask on your behalf, but my email to god@aol.com came back undeliverable. Anyhow, maybe you should say a couple of Hail Marys just to play it safe.

Have a wonderful day,

Michele

P.S. I looked in the washing machine and the dryer but there were no angel remains. Maybe they are biodegradable?

theloveyturtle:

Stupid Work Girl: Wait, can you recycle tissues?
Everyone: …..
SWG: What? It’s paper. We should recycle it. I’m going to make a bin for it.
Everyone: ……
Co-worker: That’s gross.
SWG: I’m just trying to be a conservative! (walks off)
Co-worker: What an idiot.

“ What’s a lymph note? ”

we lost the original dumb coworker to Chicago but she’s already been replaced.

We call this coworker SMILE because of her perma-creeper grin

LOLison’s Boss: “Now this girl makes my day easier, she brings sunshine….makes my day so fast.”(referring to LOLison)

Hated Coworker: “Wait I dont? I do too, you know it.”

LOLison’s Boss: “Yes but Allison sings to me”

Hated Coworker: “I would too but I dont have a voice”

LOLison’s Boss: “I didnt ask you to sing”

Hated Coworker: (dies inside)

I don't think she can get any dumber

omg you guys

…Um wow.

vaderland:

An IM conversation between a co-worker and myself.

co-worker: Hey Eric

Me: Yes.

co-worker: Are you at your computer?

Me: No ;)

co-worker: Ok, well let me know if you can get to it soon so that we can start the meeting.

Me: Ok, I’ll let you know.

Her prononciation of “Crudites” was just too much for me to handle.

“ So George Bush was our 43rd president? Even though he did two terms, that wouldn’t make him our 44th? ”

She NEEDS to stop talking about politics. I can’t do it anymore!

“ So Obama gets to ACTUALLY LIVE in the White House? ”

So my most hated co worker in the Seattle office spammed our department with this, a video of his kids and their freakish homeschool band.

Word’s don’t do justice. The mediocrity of the music, the background, the Windows Movie Maker title effects, the dull lifeless eyes of the children.

-Jim

Meet the Main Stem Band (via mainstemmusic)

“ My client asked me to list all of the items provided on the BUFFITS (aka Buffets). What does that mean? ”

Guess who?

Snotty and I had to make a mad dash to the kitchen and spent a good five minutes quietly cracking up to the point of tears.

REALLY???

“ How does it just come undid like that on it’s own? ”

Well, it doesn’t just come “undid”. You just said that because you feel completely stupid for not checking to see if your computer is plugged in before you bothered the IT guy.

(Darwin award winner at work after being told that her internet is not in fact “broken” but her computer is unplugged)